14, 15 years of constantly fighting to be better, to be the best, to do the right things, fulfill all these expectations. and just when i think i might have found a way out for the moment, or for good, fate and my soft heart tips me back into the cruel, churning mixing bowl again.

while i can deal with all the unnecessary judging. i just find it all so unnecessary. what's so wrong about wanting to do something different. what's so wrong about trying to go down a non-conventional path. i hate it when people try to put me down before i even start.

i want to go live a simple, mundane life for awhile. like a year in a large city, where no one knows me. just enjoy the simple things in life. just to stop for a moment, breathe and live. yes i have my goals, but who said i need to get them now, or at a certain age. too often we seek get caught up in the chase, and forget about the scenery that's passing us by. and i don't want to go back to that mindset again.

mms. you are an absolute fucker you know that. i wish i could hate you.